I used to think that practicing at home was too easy. Without a teacher there telling me what to do or pushing me to the next level. Missing the heat and the “vibe” of a studio, I thought that I would just simply be … less of a yogi.

Rethinking the idea of what a yogi means has been a big part of my COVID-19 experience. At the start of the year, I was diagnosed with a nerve problem that made practicing pretty uncomfortable. Then in October, I had a mini stroke (TIA) after a chiropractic adjustment. In the midst of all of that, I was still teaching yoga and thinking about yoga, but somehow thinking of myself as less of a yogi.

Recently, I was cleared by my doctor to start working out again and yoga started calling me back. I wasn’t ready to go back into the heat, or the pressure, of the studio community yet, so I built myself a little home studio for me to practice in. 

The first few practices were rough, to say the least. Not only did I feel like I couldn’t do half of the physical postures that I used to, I also just felt disconnected from my body. All I could think about was how different it used to feel when I was practicing 10 months ago. 

But then I took a yoga class on Power Life Live and the teacher said “Yoga isn’t about touching your toes; it’s what you learn on the way down.”

I cried. I stopped practicing. I took a child’s pose for the rest of class. 

Relearning my limits

After that class, I told myself what I’ve told my students hundreds of times: In yoga, you can’t compare yourself to anyone else—including the person you used to be. So in the comfort of my home, I started learning the new version of myself. 

The strong yogi that had been through a lot in the last few months. 

The humble yogi that was okay with falling out of a pose that used to be very accessible.

The grateful yogi who is happy to be able to be on her mat at all. 

From the comfort of my home, I was able to take breaks as I needed. I was also able to find joy in the simplest of poses, without feeling like I needed to continue through a flow or do what other students were doing.

I can’t do what I used to be able to do. I’m terrified to go upside down on my neck after my stroke. I get tired after about half an hour of power yoga. 

But in the comfort of my home, I’m able to feel energized. I feel comforted by the knowledge that if I need a break, my mat is going to be waiting for me in the exact spot that I left it. I feel strong knowing that the same space that had been my healing space for my medical issues is also the healing space for my mental health. 

Plus … I love being able to choose my own playlist. It’s the little things, right?

Being a better yogi

This past week was my first week back in the Power Life studios as a student. It has been a wildly humbling experience. 

Practicing next to students whom I taught, watching them do the things I wish I could do has tested me in a few ways. But when I feel like I’m faltering or I feel like I’m not good enough, I try to channel that same gratitude that I was able to cultivate in my own space at my home. And it helps. 

There are a lot of ways to be a yogi, but the truth is the only thing that really matters is that you practice yoga. And it doesn’t have to be the kind that leaves you sweatier than heck and it doesn’t have to be in a studio space. 

It just has to be the kind that is true to you in that moment. 

I’ve been learning that this year and sometimes feel like I’ll never stop learning that. 

I’ll leave you with this reminder: “Yoga is not a work-out; it is a work-in. And this is the point of spiritual practice, to make us teachable, to open up our hearts, and focus our awareness so that we can know what we already know and be who we already are.”