There’s a saying, “everything you want is on the other side of fear.” I can see a lot of evidence of this being true in my own life. The career I want, the relationship I desire, the creative pursuits I dream of…they lie on the other side of a towering wall of fear. 

It will be no surprise for you to learn this wall is largely self imposed.

Take a moment to imagine something in your life you desire. As you envision it, what stories do you tell yourself about why you can’t have it? 

Our common stories are: “It’s too much work,” “What will people think?!,” “It’s too big of a risk,” or “Who do I think I am to deserve that?” 

While there truly may be material obstacles in the way of what you want (like instantly becoming a multi-millionaire who spends months on a yacht in the Mediterranean), many of our obstacles are self-imposed. 

Fear is a normal and natural response when we start moving toward the life we desire. It’s our brain’s way of trying to keep us safe. It doesn’t want us to fail or be uncomfortable. But we all know growth doesn’t come from staying comfortable! Not only do we see this play out in our lives, but we also regularly observe this in our yoga practice. When we stay present a little longer with our breath or in a twist, we give ourselves the opportunity to deepen and learn something new. 

When that feeling of discomfort pops up, it’s an invitation. You get to find a new edge to your courage. It’s up to you whether you accept the invitation. There may be times when it absolutely makes sense to stay in your comfort zone. But other times will be undeniable. You will be called to discover your new edge. 

Those moments are scary because they force you into the unknown. It’s like stepping into a dark room. It’s hard to see your way out of it. It feels unnatural. But here’s the thing…even though you don’t entirely know how to navigate the dark room, when you trust yourself to stay in it, the more it will be revealed to you.

Discomfort is your teacher. The darkness is your teacher. 

This is why I love the darkness. Not just this metaphorical darkness, but also the nighttime darkness. The winter darkness. I know these months can be dreary and difficult. But these dark, languid nights offer stillness. They give us a chance to slow down and be more reflective. 

I particularly look forward to the longest night of the year – the winter solstice. I use the solstice to embrace the darkness, reflect on my year and name the things that were uncomfortable, painful or disappointing. I honor everything that didn’t work out, and use it as an opportunity to notice the ways in which I’ve grown. Plus, it gives me a clear view of what I no longer want to hold onto. 

More often than not, the things I don’t want to hold onto are those darn stories that are keeping my wall of fear intact. Sometimes to get to the other side of that wall, you need to look your fears straight in their beady little eyes and say, “hey, I know you think you’re trying to protect me, but I’m so much more capable than you give me credit for.” 

Reflecting on the year and seeing the evidence of how you’ve made it through all those tough moments can really illuminate how powerful you are. And before you know it, you’re slowly dismantling that wall of fear. 

After the solstice, the days get brighter. More light comes in. We can declare what we want more of and watch it grow as the days get longer and sunnier. Everything you want is within your grasp. 

Here’s a reflection exercise to confront your fear and find the courage to break past your wall of fear as the days get brighter

• As you look at your year, where did fear keep you from what you wanted? 
• What story were you telling yourself? What did you believe about yourself?
• In what ways are you proud of how you confronted fear?
• What do you want to cultivate more of as the days get brighter?
• What is one thing you’ll do to break down your wall of fear?