“I’m really proud of myself.” Without any qualifiers or lengthy preambles, that’s the response I gave my friend when he asked how I’d sum up my year. 

It felt weird to speak so confidently about myself and my accomplishments. But why? Why is it so easy to be a cheerleader for people around us, but when it’s time to do the same for ourselves, we soften it with messages that downplay our awesomeness?

Of all the relationships in our lives, the one with ourselves is arguably most important but tends to sit on the back burner. How often do we take time to really get to know ourselves? To slow down and understand what lights us up and what drains us? Do we bravely listen to what our deep-down voice needs, or do we busy ourselves to avoid what our gut is truly asking for? 

We’re so good at extending love and curiosity to the special people in our lives. What would it look like to give the same attention to ourselves? 

Last year I got super honest about how I wanted to feel and the life I desired. I knew it would be hard and messy, and that I’d want to distract myself with HBO shows, cleaning the basement, devouring chips and queso – ANYTHING to avoid the hard work. I did it anyway. 

Rather than setting goals or resolutions, I declared specific feelings I wanted to embody. I wanted to feel bold, grounded, selective and connected to my purpose. As I went through the year, I used those feelings as the filter for my choices, relationships and actions. Bringing intention to how I wanted to feel showed me what to make space for and what to ditch. It showed me the junk I was settling for and illuminated things I actually deserved.

It wasn’t always easy. But relationships are like that sometimes, right? 

This is why I was so quick to give my friend the response I did. Because the work was hard and the results were immense. Of course I was proud. 

When you commit to how you want to feel, you’ll learn a ton. It’ll become easier to see what’s working and what’s not. You might find things that once mattered a lot, don’t carry the same weight. Fiercely defending the life your deep-down voice desires is a beautiful way to honor your relationship with yourself. 

Give it a shot!

Choose one or two feelings to cultivate this year. Align your decisions and actions to those feelings. Write them on a sticky note. Tell a friend. Be messy and fumble, but stay on your path.

A few things to help you on your way:

1. What energy or behavior do you want less of in your life? How would it feel to be rid of that?
2. Think of places or spaces you feel like your true self. Describe who you’re with, what you’re doing and how it feels.
3. Where in your life do you feel held back? How would it feel to be free from that limitation?
4. What differences would you notice if you invited these one or two feelings more intentionally into your life?