Ever Tried. Ever Failed. No Matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better.
– Samuel Beckett
When I received the reminder email that this blog post was due, my initial thought was to write about fear and doubt and how one might begin to skillfully work with these emotions both on and off the mat. These two qualities were foremost on my mind as I was preparing to run my first 100-mile race but since race day has come and gone, I decided that I would also bring into the fold the attachment to desired outcomes and how they play a role in the cycle of fear and doubt.
First, a runner’s tale…
Last November, I made the decision to sign up for my first 100-mile foot race. I have been a distance runner for over twenty years and made a recent return to the ultra-distances with the last race being a 100K. Despite having some longer races under my belt, for weeks after I handed over my entry fee, my thoughts were riddled with fear and doubt. Do I have what it takes to reach the finish line? Will my left achilles fully heal and be able to withstand 100 miles of forward movement? Do I have people in my life that will support me and this crazy endeavor? I typically do not run in the dark – how will I make it through the evening hours? The course is unmarked – what if I get lost? The list of “what ifs” seemed to be endless. While it would have been simple to contact the race director and drop to a lesser distance (one that was in my comfort zone) or easier still, not even show up to the starting line, I made the choice to put one foot in front of the other and set out to do the work. I began to build my weekly mileage and do the strength and accessory work that would strengthen not only my feet and ankles but my entire body. I would run with fatigue to expand both my physical and mental capacity for the relentless forward progress of such a race. I began to finely tune my nutritional needs and test gear needed for the many hours out on the gravel roads. During the weeks leading up to the race, there were still some moments of fear and doubt but the still small voice within would whisper “have faith in your training.” I recall a moment a couple days before the big day where any thoughts of fear and doubt had completely vanished, and I felt confident stepping up to the start line.
Fear is said to be the most powerful of all emotions. It is born out of the sensations of contraction and acceleration (fight/flight/freeze/submit response) which leads to a quality of separateness. In the tradition of yoga, the greatest samskara or pattern of suffering is the recoil and disconnection from Source. Ahamkara or the I-self/ego has an intense fervor to separate from this deeply embedded implicit memory and seed of one’s very nature by creating layers of explicit memories through identity, story, and judgment – all which keep the yogi ignorant to the joy, beauty, and magnificence of their Divine Self.
The emotion of fear will perpetuate itself to create a progression, often unconscious, within the framework of Ahamkara or identity to keep itself intact and separate from True Nature.
According to Sri Patanjali and the Yoga Sutras, abhinivesha or the clinging to life is one of the five kleshas or causes of suffering. On the surface, abhinivesha can be experienced as the fear of physical death but upon further inquiry, it is the fear of death of one’s Ahamkara or identity and uniqueness. Ahamkara will seek out experiences that will validate rather than threaten itself. It is this fear of disruption within the confines of Ahamkara coupled with the clinging or attachment to outcomes that ultimately lead to the unconscious patterning of thought, word, and deed.
Doubt is a paralyzing affliction – paralyzing one from action or living out one’s dharma. Doubt is said to be the most poisonous to practice and life as it can be invisible – one can become tangled in doubt’s web of stories and untruths without even knowing they have been caught. Doubt is also defined as being suspended between two equally strong yet contradictory propositions with the inability to be certain of either side.
In the Bhagavad Gita, a parable about fear and doubt, Arjuna, a warrior, is caught in the “horns of a dilemma”. Arriving at the center of the battlefield, flanked by two equally fierce armies, Arjuna surveys both sides and makes the realization that to go to war would jeopardize not only his own kinsmen but also the families of the opposing side and the structure of the kingdom as a whole. Suspended between the two forces, Arjuna casts down his bow and arrows and crumbles to the floor of his chariot, stricken with the grief of his imagined outcomes of the battle. Arjuna, paralyzed by fear and doubt, tells Krishna, his charioteer, “I will not fight.”
While the story of the Bhagavad Gita is set upon a battlefield, it is a metaphor for the battle that occurs within and many tension arcs of indecision that doubt creates. When addressing tension arcs, the inquiry becomes, how does one resolve the uncertainty that the pull from either side creates? The exploration invites an expanded view – the ability to see the entire spectrum – not just a two-dimensional but a three-dimensional matrix of possibility and choice. Can one begin to embrace not only the two opposing perspectives but all the infinite points within the continuum? This can lead to living a full and passionate life – the ability to meet the good, bad, ugly, and neutral moments with non-attachment and grace. In the Gita, Krishna teaches Arjuna to look to his own dharma or essential nature for guidance. Krishna encourages Arjuna to then live his dharma full out, to let go of the fruits of his work, and ultimately, be a channel for dharma – stop doing, start being. With this newfound knowledge of dharma and Self, perspective shifts and action and awareness merge which creates a state of flow. This state of union is Yoga.
According to the Buddhist tradition, fear and doubt are one of the five hinderances or mind states that create obstacles within one’s practice and life. The first antidote to any obstacle is awareness – to observe that which arises without grasping or pushing away. By practicing dispassionate non-attachment, the yogi severs the ties of identity and begins to recall their True Nature.
Does the life I perceive need to change for me to experience less fear?
Or…do I need to shift my perception of this life to experience less fear?
Can you become fearless to fear-less?
The second antidote to any obstacle is to cultivate the behaviors opposite of the obstruction.
And this brings me to the part of attachment to outcomes, whether it be success or failure, and the continuation of a runner’s tale…
Well, my race did not turn out as I had hoped. I made the difficult decision to drop from the race at mile 83 and took my first-ever DNF. Immediately, my ego told me that I had failed and was left in a state of disappointment and despair along with a new set of “what ifs” ravaging my mind. After a few days of contemplation, I realized that failure is a part of success. While I failed to reach the finish line of one race, my success came with the many months of training which allowed me to move forward for 20 more miles than I ever had before.
The Bhagavad Gita teaches that any perceived outcome whether it be success or failure is none of my business. That I need to let go of the fruits of my actions and simply do my work full out. By grasping at any desired end result, not only will suffering ensue but action, itself, can be hindered. Fear and doubt could have paralyzed me months ago and even now with the fear of future potential missteps. So, I am choosing to put one foot in front of the other and to use any setback as a steppingstone to move forward with a renewed sense of faith both in myself and the path that lies beyond.
Is it faith or fear
that rises to the fore,
affirmation or negation
at the very core
and center of the self?
Will it be light or dark
within the heart today?
The icy grip of fear
that knots and sours
leaving me to cower
in the shadows?
There is another way –
I know it surely as I
know the scent of Spring.
The choice of faith
Invites, invokes, calls forth
from all creation
both the blessing
and the lesson
of the day.
Whether faith or fear,
the choice is mine alone.
Each moment, choosing,
stepping through the door,
trusting that the path
beyond will surely
lead me home.
– Danna Faulds
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2023 Power Life, All Rights Reserved.
Built with 🤍 by Blink Wellness
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Kirk was working 80-hour weeks and wearing his shoulders as earrings when he found yoga in 2005. Forever the competitive athlete, he loved the physicality of yoga. When the spiritual and philosophical side of yoga were exposed to him, Kirk was hooked. Yoga provided him with what other activities couldn’t -- the ability to foster the benefits of practice both on and off of the mat. Yoga was something that Kirk could bring into all aspects of his life.
Kirk knows that yoga can be intimidating, so he crafts a class that is playful and inviting, while still being challenging and safe. His creatively planned classes build strength and flexibility in your body and mind while establishing clarity, giving you more confidence to overcome obstacles in your life, and keeping you injury-free. His classes are themed with a message that is relatable and will inspire you to take it with you off your mat. Kirk has been teaching yoga since 2008 and lead his first teacher training in 2012. Where Kirk truly shines is in coaching, developing and bringing out the best in others.
Kirk enjoys traveling (40+ countries to date!), snowboarding, and cherishes time with his wife and two daughters.
Christen Bakken’s yoga journey began in 1998 in a Bikram studio that provided a safe and secure place to practice. She saw the yoga mat as a place to remember her purpose and a place to play. As she continued her studies and began her journey to teaching in 2006, Christen infused yoga classes with devotion and the yoga mat became a place of personal transformation and healing. Her classes are filled with laughter, song, sweat, and usually heart openers. In 2013, Christen began training yoga teachers. This is the place where she finds the most joy - in community with folks looking to grow and be of greater service in their homes, on their mats, and in the world. Over the years, she has led trainings in Denver, the Midwest, Florida, and now abroad. She has trained in continuing education modules, 200-hour, 300-hour, and 500-hour programs. Beyond the mat, Christen is a passionate adventure seeker - she loves to bike, snowboard, and spend time with her husband and pups. She sees each day as a blessing and hopes to remind all who interact with her of this truth.
We validate parking for THREE garages in the area!
Two Light garage located directly north of the studio. Please bring your ticket inside for validation.
Three Light garage at Main and Truman. Garage entrance on Truman. Please bring your ticket inside for a validation sticker.
Power & Light garage at 13th and Grand. Please ask for a parking pass at the studio front desk. (Hot tip: the Power & Light garage has a ton of space! But be sure to give yourself a little extra time to walk to the studio.)
If you find that you are running a couple minutes late due to parking, please call the studio to let the instructor know to wait for you before locking the doors.
We have partnered with our friends at Greenslate to provide 1 hour and 15 minute validated parking for Power Life students in the lot at 36th and Harney (just south of the Cottonwood Hotel). Read below to learn how to take advantage of this perk:
Step 1: Scan the QR code located in the lot.
Step 2: Select your destination (i.e. “yoga studio”).
Step 3: Ask for the validation code at the Blackstone studio front desk and enter it on your phone.
Step 4: You are all set! Have fun at class!
The validation provided by Power Life and Greenslate is for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Need to add additional time to your parking space? You can do that conveniently from your phone!
This option is valid once per day per license plate.
There is a paved lot and gravel lot on the West side of the building.
Meters on Court and 4th (by Peace Tree) for $0.25/hour, 9am-9pm Mon. – Sat. 12-hour max
Meters on 4th (to the North) for $1.25/hour. Mon – Sat. 4-hour max.
All meters are free on Sundays and major holidays.