The longest relationship you will ever be in is the relationship with yourself. From your first breath to your last, you will share each joy, challenge, idiosyncrasy and thought with that voice in your head called consciousness. It can be a complicated relationship. Everyone is on different parts of the spectrum of experiencing self love or connection to self. Whether you are in a rough patch or the honeymoon phase, this relationship deserves time and work. In fact, the ability to connect with and love ourselves affects our lives so profoundly, that this might be one of the most important things you do.

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for every other facet of life: how you experience each moment, how you show up in relationships with others, how fulfilled you feel, how hopeful or negative you are about the future, how you view the world, what opportunities you take or think you’re even worthy of, the list goes on. When you come to your yoga mat, the work is all inward. It’s a time to connect with yourself and your source. It is a perfect opportunity to feel more secure, confident and amazing from within. From here you firm your foundation, so every other facet of your life can optimize. Here are a few easy steps in the right direction:

Arrive on your mat with nonjudgemental awareness

This may be very hard. Arriving with nonjudgemental awareness means no expectation of what’s going to happen, accepting who you are on your mat today, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and not wishing you were who you were five years ago or will be in three months. Nonjudgemental awareness is being grateful for the embarrassment of riches you have within you and around you. This awareness is important because it is the key to recognizing any change that will come.

Listen to what arises in each moment

Yoga asks you moment by moment to observe: How are you talking to yourself? Are you treating yourself with kindness? Are you treating yourself with compassion and care? Are you being a cheerleader or a tormentor? Are you repeating negative messages you’ve heard or thought about yourself in the past? Are you bullying yourself? Notice where you are unconsciously tearing yourself down. This is not a time to feel guilty or punish yourself for doing so, but to delight in the opportunity to correct the behavior and choose a more positive response.

Choose to strengthen positive responses

What would a good partner or parent say here instead? This is a question I come back to when I feel myself slip into negative self talk. It might feel a little corny at first, but giving yourself some positive affirmations can change how you feel almost immediately. More importantly, it creates new neural pathways in the brain- a route to a positive relationship with yourself instead of a negative one. When we choose these positive responses time and time again, this route eventually becomes our default way of thinking.

Negative self talk is not the only opportunity to reframe when it comes to self-love on your yoga mat. We must stop comparing ourselves. We know that what we practice on the mat strengthens. If we practice comparing ourselves to others, we will become more critical of ourselves and envious of others. If we catch ourselves in the act of comparison and correct the mental behavior, we strengthen the neural pathway to self acceptance, or maybe even playfulness and freedom to be different in our practice!

Leave your ego at home

Your relationship with yourself can be damaged if your ego mis-identifies or becomes too overpowering. If we let our ego become tied to how we perform the postures or how “good” we are at our practice, we begin to believe that our self-worth lies in our ability to perform this practice rather than enjoy the real benefits of it. The ego can cause us to make choices that do not benefit us at all. Self-love means choosing what you need today, not what would look best on the cover of yoga journal, or impress your yoga teacher or fellow students. When you leave your ego out of it, you learn to listen to what you truly need from your practice. Let it be as messy, creative, or simple and meet yourself where you are. This is true self love.

Make your dates routine

I’ve learned through many years of marriage that no matter how good the relationship is, you still need to find time to nurture your bond. Dates are a time to go past discussion of regular day-to-day functions, and dive deeper. We get to enjoy the true soul of the other person instead of the routines we fallen into. It’s the same with the relationship you have with yourself. You spend much of your day surviving work, external circumstances and checking off to-do lists. When you come to your mat, it’s a regular date to peel back more layers and get more intimate with what’s important to you.

Unlike many other relationships, this one is guaranteed to be life-long. Enjoy the process of getting to know, like, and love what is here, and see if your life isn’t richer because of the work you put in, both on and off of your yoga mat.